REALLY long term goals

What a great day for the Do-Over Project!

I used to have Epilepsy and was on medication for that for years. Shortly after I stopped the anti-convulsant, I was diagnosed with panic disorder and have spent over 20 years on Paxil.

You can, perhaps, understand why one of my goals in life is to be medication free. No anti-convulsant, no anti-anxiety–and no anti-diabetes, no anti-high-blood-pressure, or any other typical meds adults are on. No medication. Period.

I’d like that to extend to the rest of my life.

I think it’s possible, so this year, as I work on my Do-Over Project, I’m trying to get myself as healthy as I can to get rid of what little medication I am on and not start on any others for as long as I possibly can.

I’m not anti-medication, by the way, if you need it, you need it. But my own experience with medication and watching my parents gulp down pills by the handfuls (my father just told me he take 10 different pills per day!), well, I just don’t want to do it!

Anyway, As part of the Do-Over Project, I’ve been decreasing Paxil since the beginning of the year, and I just went to the shrink who’s prescribing it and she says I’m on a low enough dose now that I can stop it entirely.

AND, Paxil is the only med I’m on. Tonight, for the first time in 20 years, I won’t be taking medication. This is huge for me and I just needed to share my joy with the world!!

I don’t know what the future may bring, I may have to go back on an anti-anxiety med again, who knows? Maybe there are other medications in my future, but I’m going to do everything in my power to stay healthy enough to avoid that possibility.

It was important to keep at this REALLY long-term goal–for more than health reasons. It tells me to keep at other REALLY long-term goals–like publishing a book. It’s another almost life-long goal. If I can finally achieve the medication REALLY long-term goal, maybe my published book isn’t far off! Just keep at the goal!





Why am I so exhausted?

Why am I so exhausted? That’s what’s been on my mind lately.

At first I was whining, “Oh, it’s cuz I’m getting older…I’m an old lady of 53 with no energy…boo hoo!”

But after the pity party, I realized it has nothing to do with my age. Let’s see:

  • Monday, I’m in grief counselling
  • Tuesday, I (force myself to) go to singing lessons (because of the grief I haven’t enjoyed the things I love as much, but I kept going and the joy is finally returning)
  • Wednesday, I have off (but not really!)
  • Thursday, I go to neurofeedback (more counselling)
  • Friday, is date night with my husband
  • Saturday, is running around down (groceries, errands)
  • Sunday, is climbing in the morning (sometimes walking group too) and then house chores

But that’s not all! During the week I also have to find time to:

  • write in my journal daily (finding one thing that brings me joy, post a positive Facebook video, etc.)
  • do my short workout at least 4 times a week
  • run at least 4 times per week
  • write this blog once a week
  • meditate for 1 hour 6 times per week
  • do my therapy homework (usually Wednesday)
  • fit in other appointments since I committed to getting health issues cleared up

That doesn’t include other positive activities to get things on track such as social time with friends or duties like checking in on my parents and other family members or working on our fixer-upper house. Oh and there’s the day job thing too!!

But I’ve realized that it’s not all of the above that’s taking a toll on me. No, I’m exhausted from the constant processing. I am going through probably the biggest transition of my life with the Do-Over Project and my mind, body and soul are constantly working. I’m absorbing the lessons I’m learning, applying them to my life every day. It’s a full time job!

I’m not complaining. I’m very glad I’ve taken on this project. But I’ve realized I have to give myself a break. Be gentle with myself. Not beat myself up for not getting more done.

If you’re going through a change in your life, don’t underestimate how difficult processing change is. Give yourself a break!



Don't confuse difficulty with impossibility. Is achieving your goal difficult, yes. Is achieving your goal impossible, no.

Ego ≠ Success

Hi All!

I am by no means a mathematician, but I know one formula: ego ≠ success. That is, in order to be successful, you have to get out of your own way, which means putting your ego aside.

Yesterday I joined Weight Watchers. It felt like utter defeat. You see, I’m a personal trainer and a fitness instructor. I have training in nutrition. And yet I have not been able to lose weight. I exercise, eat incredibly well, meditate, decrease my stress at every turn–and yet still, here I am, struggling with my weight.

I felt ashamed asking for help. I should know what to do and do it! And yet still, here I am, struggling with my weight.

I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday for my annual physical and I was griping about my weight. She said my weight is OK but I could stand to lose a few pounds. She told me the only weight loss program recommended by doctors across Canada is Weight Watchers and maybe I should give it a try.

But I eat incredibly healthfully, I exercise…! I stopped myself. Clearly something isn’t working. While I’m guessing some of the problem is related to my gut issue (which I’m doing testing for in a few weeks so my doctor will have results after that), it’s not the whole problem. I need help tweaking what I eat, how I workout…something!

It couldn’t hurt to try it out–after all, this is my year of doing things differently. Repeating the same patterns isn’t working for me so I better try a different approach if I want success.

But I eat incredibly healthfully, I exercise…! Put the ego on hold and all the things I should be able to do and I’ll likely have better success. Ask for help. Beg for help. Do whatever it takes to change my life.

I’m trying hard to learn the lesson: ego ≠ success.

I’ll keep you posted.







Hi All!

Well, I’Wall Clockm coming close to five months in on the Do-Over Project. This blog is an update of my goals set at the end of January.

This may not seem relevant to you, since they’re MY goals, but perhaps this can stand as a reminder of the goals you set at the beginning of the year. Have you looked at them since?

Or, maybe you have been working on your goals, but you think they should all be accomplished by now! I feel that way sometimes. It can be really frustrating to not see progress fast enough (or as fast as we think we should see it).

For me, some changes have already taken place, others are progressing slowly and some aren’t even started. I think I’m pretty average so have a look to see where my goals are. If you are struggling, know that you are not alone. As long as we continue to work on ourselves, we can’t go wrong!


  • YES! Get knee fixed (miniscus tear). In good working order!
  • YES! Sign up for Ottawa Race Weekend 10 km (May 27). Because of above injury I couldn’t run the 10km so I walked the 1/2 Marathon!!!!!
  • NO BUT YES! up for MEC Races. Forgot so I signed up for Army 1/2 Marathon (Sept 7)
  • NO! Sign up for Fall Colours 10km (Sunday, October 8). Not yet.
  • PARTLY! Workout: GOAL (need one). Doing 30-day work out routines I find online. I can do way better.
  • PARTLY! Rock climbing: Didn’t start indoor rock climbing in Dec 2016 because of knee. It’s been sporadic. I went today so that’s something!
  • NO! A climbing goal. I want to do an outdoor climbing trip but I haven’t been in the gym so I’m not ready. Maybe fall?


  • NO! I wanted to be 135 lbs by the Ottawa Race Weekend (Saturday, May 27). I’ve lost 5. Not good enough.


  • PARTLY! Get back to regular good eating habits. Still eating bits of sugar. Would like to cut it out completely.
  • YES! Little or no white bread. None but I’d I’ve had whole grain which also doesn’t feel great in my tummy. Like to ditch this too!
  • YES! Limit alcohol (which I do anyway) but maintain.
  • YES! Go back to mainly protein and vegetables, which makes me feel good.


  • YES! Continue habit of Vitamin C
  • YES! Continue habit of Omega 3-6-9
  • YES! add: Magnesium (500 mg?)
  • YES! Start pro/prebiotics (10 million)

Other Health:

  • YES! Continue Neurofeedback once/week, but begin training other areas of the brain. We’re about to do another mini-map to see where else I can try.
  • YES! BONUS POINTS: I started biofeedback too!
  • YES! DON’T cancel my cardiologist specialist. Got a clean bill of health!
  • PARTLY! Balance my gut this year! All tests done. Go for results on Monday. See what followup I need to do.


  • PARTLY! Find 10 things do that bring more fun/joy to my life.
    • Spa day with my mom (May 25). massage, back scrub, pedi!!
    • Charity event with bands playing all night (June 2)
    • Planning a hiking trip for our wedding anniversary (July 20)
    • One other local (4-hr drive or less) vacation in the next 3 years with my husband
    • Planning a hiking trip with the girls (September some time)
    • Need to work harder at this
  • PARTLY! Singing: find the joy in singing again. I’m getting there but still work to do.
    • Go to all lessons and jams. I’ve missed some of both. Legitimate reasons but still missed. AND,
    • Sing at the jams like I don’t care if I crack or forget. Sheer joy!) Getting there
  • PARTLY! Audition for at least two more things (musical, revue, band, something!). Decided to ditch this in favour of doing more jams.
    • PARTLY! Go to four additional jams around the city (other than The Music Factory). Gone to 1.
  • YES! Joy Journal. Most days doing it, but still not there.
  • YES! Drawing Prompts. Doing this regularly, but not EVERY day.
  • PARTLY! My Book: An agent this year. To send 100 queries by year end. Had fallen off the wagon, but I’m back on it.
  • YES! Blog: at first I wanted to blog daily but I realized it was too much so as long as I get 1 per week, I feel good. I have to give myself a thumbs up on this!
  • YES! Adventure: Go to my financial planner to save for adventure.
  • YES! Set up RRSP for stability but also a travel account to start March 15
  • PARTLY! Save 15-20,000 for a big trip in 2-3 years. Workin’ on it.
  • PARTLY! Take a beach vacation in 2018 with my husband. On track.
  • NO! Get new passports for husband in myself (spring 2017).Not yet. GET TO IT!
  • YES! Go to bank for a travel rewards card.
  • MOSTLY! Finish my office in beach theme. Almost there! It’s so pretty!

New goals:

There are goals that I added along the way:

  • YES! Meditation for leadership: 8-week course. No skipping a class. commit to 5 minutes of meditation per day. TOTAL success!
  • PARTLY! New therapist to work through grief and other issues developed in the last two years. 9 more weeks. Haven’t missed any.
  • PARTLY! Decided to stop taking Paxil (for anxiety) so have a doctor to wean me from it. I’ve got from 40 mg to 10 mg, so I’m getting there.
  • YES! write down 5 things I’m grateful for daily. Most days I’m successful.
  • STARTING! Starting a meditation program with my husband (one hour per night for 8 weeks)

If you haven’t looked at your goals lately, what are you waiting for? Don’t be scared, just do it!