Can it get any worse?!

I’m sure you’ve said this to yourself at some point in your life.

The simple answer is: Yes. Of course it can get worse!!

No one promised there would be good times and not-so-good times in equal measure. It’s not that way sometimes.

Sometimes, it rains harder and harder…and still harder and it JUST-WON’T-LET-THE-F*CK-UP! Sometimes, life is just hard. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but it’s the truth.

If it’s any consolation, you’re not alone. There are times in everyone’s life (I mean anyone who’s ever lived on planet earth from Aristotle to Donald Trump!) when it feels like the negative train is stuck at your station with no plans to move on.

Before you think I’m being a Debbie Doomsday, this is actually a positive post. Let me elaborate…

I’m having a really difficult time right now as I get into the thick of The Do-Over Project. You see, change is really hard work–it’s been a while since I’ve gone through significant change and I forgot how tough it is (probably a lot like the pain of childbirth). It’s not that I’m feeling negative, but I am feeling overwhelmed. And that feels negative.

It doesn’t feel good to be constantly working on myself. One night it’s neurofeedback. Another it’s therapy. Another it’s singing lessons. Then there’s climbing and journaling and running and meditation and WeightWatchers and Sunday walking group and weening off meds and working full time, and, and, and!!!

The worst part is, I’ve put all this extra work on myself deliberately. It’s not like the world has thrown me curve balls–I’m doing it to myself.

I’ve talked about how difficult my process has been before and I feel I have no right to complain because it’s a deliberate act. I want to share this experience because anyone contemplating real change in their life is going to hit this same wall.

So why bother?

The end result. Ever witness a butterfly emerge from it’s cocoon? Ever seen a time-lapse of a flower as it emerges from it’s bud? It’s excruciating to watch! Oh, but the result!!!

That’s what’s kept me going lately. I’m in the cocoon, pushing out the walls so that butterfly can emerge! I don’t know when it will happen, but I don’t think I’m far off. I think that’s why the process has been so gruelling lately. I feel like I’m at a tipping point into some unknown universe. Almost, but not quite, at the moment when the tide turns.

I guess that’s the positive takeaway: no matter how difficult, the tide always turns. It has to because that’s what tides do! So what do you do until it does?

Give yourself a break. I took yesterday off because I had a headache and didn’t sleep well. At first I felt guilty because I wasn’t “sick enough” to stay home. Now I realize how much I needed that time. At this stage of change, you need to just get through it. Cut out a some activities, if you find it’s too much (guess what I’ll be doing in the near future?!). Instead of wearing yourself down further, find ways to rejuvenate. Take more walks, get a massage, etc.

Don’t make any major life decisions. Sometimes I think, “Maybe if I get a new house or change jobs…” As appealing as those changes are, they’re only shiny distractions. What you really need now is unshiny, slow plodding progress to the finish line. Ughh!! Not nearly as sexy as a new car!

Pay attention and applaud yourself. Look for evidence of small changes and celebrate them. Drastic change only happen on “The Biggest Loser” — and it usually doesn’t last. A small change is easier to repeat, and thus leads to solid, long-term change. For example, taking the day off even though I wasn’t deathly ill is a small change for me–it’s not something I’d typically do. Hurray!

Don’t isolate yourself. It can feel like a very lonely journey at times. It is, in a way, because you’re the only one who can make the change. At the same time, as I said at the beginning of this post, everyone’s been through it. Tell people who are close to you and they’ll help pull you out of your cocoon!

Remember: Things might get worse before they get better, but the end results are worth (if you can stand one more metaphor!) riding the wave.

Tracy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ego ≠ Success

Hi All!

I am by no means a mathematician, but I know one formula: ego ≠ success. That is, in order to be successful, you have to get out of your own way, which means putting your ego aside.

Yesterday I joined Weight Watchers. It felt like utter defeat. You see, I’m a personal trainer and a fitness instructor. I have training in nutrition. And yet I have not been able to lose weight. I exercise, eat incredibly well, meditate, decrease my stress at every turn–and yet still, here I am, struggling with my weight.

I felt ashamed asking for help. I should know what to do and do it! And yet still, here I am, struggling with my weight.

I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday for my annual physical and I was griping about my weight. She said my weight is OK but I could stand to lose a few pounds. She told me the only weight loss program recommended by doctors across Canada is Weight Watchers and maybe I should give it a try.

But I eat incredibly healthfully, I exercise…! I stopped myself. Clearly something isn’t working. While I’m guessing some of the problem is related to my gut issue (which I’m doing testing for in a few weeks so my doctor will have results after that), it’s not the whole problem. I need help tweaking what I eat, how I workout…something!

It couldn’t hurt to try it out–after all, this is my year of doing things differently. Repeating the same patterns isn’t working for me so I better try a different approach if I want success.

But I eat incredibly healthfully, I exercise…! Put the ego on hold and all the things I should be able to do and I’ll likely have better success. Ask for help. Beg for help. Do whatever it takes to change my life.

I’m trying hard to learn the lesson: ego ≠ success.

I’ll keep you posted.

Tracy

 

 

 

Tick-tock!

 

Hi All!

Well, I’m coming close to five months in on the Do-Over Project. This blog is an update of my goals set at the end of January.

This may not seem relevant to you, since they’re MY goals, but perhaps this can stand as a reminder of the goals you set at the beginning of the year. Have you looked at them since?

Or, maybe you have been working on your goals, but you think they should all be accomplished by now! I feel that way sometimes. It can be really frustrating to not see progress fast enough (or as fast as we think we should see it).

For me, some changes have already taken place, others are progressing slowly and some aren’t even started. I think I’m pretty average so have a look to see where my goals are. If you are struggling, know that you are not alone. As long as we continue to work on ourselves, we can’t go wrong!

Exercise:

• YES! Get knee fixed (miniscus tear). In good working order!
• YES! Sign up for Ottawa Race Weekend 10 km (May 27). Because of above injury I couldn’t run the 10km so I walked the 1/2 Marathon!!!!!
• NO BUT YES! up for MEC Races. Forgot so I signed up for Army 1/2 Marathon (Sept 7)
• NO! Sign up for Fall Colours 10km (Sunday, October 8). Not yet.
• PARTLY! Workout: GOAL (need one). Doing 30-day work out routines I find online. I can do way better.
• PARTLY! Rock climbing: Didn’t start indoor rock climbing in Dec 2016 because of knee. It’s been sporadic. I went today so that’s something!
• NO! A climbing goal. I want to do an outdoor climbing trip but I haven’t been in the gym so I’m not ready. Maybe fall?

Weight:

• NO! I wanted to be 135 lbs by the Ottawa Race Weekend (Saturday, May 27). I’ve lost 5. Not good enough.

Food:

• PARTLY! Get back to regular good eating habits. Still eating bits of sugar. Would like to cut it out completely.
• YES! Little or no white bread. None but I’d I’ve had whole grain which also doesn’t feel great in my tummy. Like to ditch this too!
• YES! Limit alcohol (which I do anyway) but maintain.
• YES! Go back to mainly protein and vegetables, which makes me feel good.

Supplements:

• YES! Continue habit of Vitamin C
• YES! Continue habit of Omega 3-6-9
• YES! add: Magnesium (500 mg?)
• YES! Start pro/prebiotics (10 million)

Other Health:

• YES! Continue Neurofeedback once/week, but begin training other areas of the brain. We’re about to do another mini-map to see where else I can try.
• YES! BONUS POINTS: I started biofeedback too!
• YES! DON’T cancel my cardiologist specialist. Got a clean bill of health!
• PARTLY! Balance my gut this year! All tests done. Go for results on Monday. See what followup I need to do.

FUN!

• PARTLY! Find 10 things do that bring more fun/joy to my life.
  • Spa day with my mom (May 25). massage, back scrub, pedi!!
  • Charity event with bands playing all night (June 2)
  • Planning a hiking trip for our wedding anniversary (July 20)
  • One other local (4-hr drive or less) vacation in the next 3 years with my husband
  • Planning a hiking trip with the girls (September some time)
  • Need to work harder at this
• PARTLY! Singing: find the joy in singing again. I’m getting there but still work to do.
  • Go to all lessons and jams. I’ve missed some of both. Legitimate reasons but still missed. AND,
  • Sing at the jams like I don’t care if I crack or forget. Sheer joy!) Getting there
• PARTLY! Audition for at least two more things (musical, revue, band, something!). Decided to ditch this in favour of doing more jams.
  • PARTLY! Go to four additional jams around the city (other than The Music Factory). Gone to 1.
• YES! Joy Journal. Most days doing it, but still not there.
• YES! Drawing Prompts. Doing this regularly, but not EVERY day.
• PARTLY! My Book: An agent this year. To send 100 queries by year end. Had fallen off the wagon, but I’m back on it.
• YES! Blog: at first I wanted to blog daily but I realized it was too much so as long as I get 1 per week, I feel good. I have to give myself a thumbs up on this!
• YES! Adventure: Go to my financial planner to save for adventure.
• YES! Set up RRSP for stability but also a travel account to start March 15
• PARTLY! Save 15-20,000 for a big trip in 2-3 years. Workin’ on it.
• PARTLY! Take a beach vacation in 2018 with my husband. On track.
• NO! Get new passports for husband in myself (spring 2017).Not yet. GET TO IT!
• YES! Go to bank for a travel rewards card.
• MOSTLY! Finish my office in beach theme. Almost there! It’s so pretty!

New goals:

There are goals that I added along the way:

• YES! Meditation for leadership: 8-week course. No skipping a class. commit to 5 minutes of meditation per day. TOTAL success!
• PARTLY! New therapist to work through grief and other issues developed in the last two years. 9 more weeks. Haven’t missed any.
• PARTLY! Decided to stop taking Paxil (for anxiety) so have a doctor to wean me from it. I’ve got from 40 mg to 10 mg, so I’m getting there.
• YES! write down 5 things I’m grateful for daily. Most days I’m successful.
• STARTING! Starting a meditation program with my husband (one hour per night for 8 weeks)

If you haven’t looked at your goals lately, what are you waiting for? Don’t be scared, just do it!

Cheers,

Tracy

Deciding to be happy

I’m almost half-way through 2017. Soon I will have to take stock of where I am in The Do-Over Project. Where am I succeeding? Where am I…not? Where do I have to pick up the pace? Am I accomplishing what I set out to do in this experiment?

I’ll get to that in another week or so, but in the meantime, I’ve been thinking about my initial thoughts on why I started this experiment.

I wanted to be happy again. Simple–but not easy. I’ve had a couple of tough years (as I’ve mentioned in previous posts) and I felt it was time to take back my life.

But could I just decide to be happy again? That’s one question I’ve answered for sure in the last six months. I won’t make you wait until next week to find out what I’ve discovered…the answer is…

Yes. It is possible to simply decide to be happy. No matter where you are in your life. No matter what has happened to you. Actually, it’s the most important decision–before you set a single goal. There has to be a decision to do something differently.

But it’s not easy. In fact, the decision is very, very hard, because it means that, like me, you’ve accepted you need to take responsibility for your life. You have decided to take control of your life.

It takes me back a few years to my fitness instructor days. In order to get people into the habit of fitness, we needed to understand an individual’s readiness to change in order to meet them where they were.

We used the Transtheoretical Model (Prochaska & DiClemente), which identifies six stages of change:

Precontemplation (Not Ready): People in this stage aren’t going to take action. There’s no sense setting up a fitness routine, for example, for a precontemplator.

Contemplation (Getting Ready): People in this stage want to change. They understand the pros an the cons of their behavior, but they are often hung up on these, making them ambivalent and keeping them stuck in place. They are likely to procrastinate.

Preparation (Ready): People in this stage intend to take action in the near future (say, a month). They have typically already taken some action in the past year. For example, they’ve joined a gym or are seeing a psychologist. These are the people ready for action!

Action: People in this stage are making specific overt changes.

Maintenance: People in this stage are working to prevent relapse. They are increasingly confident that they can do this! They’ve learned that they can. But they still have to keep at it, because relapse can sneak up.

Now, this is simplification of a much more complex theory and I am in no way an expert in this area, but it’s important to think about (for more information, just google “stages of change” and you’ll find many resources). Where are you in your own process?

For me, I’d say I’m in the early stages of Action. This is when I have to be hypervigilant in my efforts and I know this, which is why I’ve given myself a year. I want to really get it under my belt. I want to be a Maintainor.

This theory points to something very important about making the decision to change. While it’s arguably the hardest decision, it isn’t the only decision.

Unfortunately, you still have to do the work! I still have to do the work. If I want to be happy, I have to back up my intention with action. I’m getting there, but I still have a lot of actionable items!

Here’s to action!

Tracy

 

 

Better than before

Hi!

When I got my first pay check at my new job a couple of months ago, I immediately bought a Groupon for a facial. I don’t pamper myself much, so this was a little out of character for me. But, I’m doing things differently, so why not?

Perhaps, because it’s out of character, I kept putting off calling the spa. Maybe, subconsciously, I didn’t feel worthy of the pampering. Finally, the day before the Groupon expired, I made an appointment. Thankfully, they could fit me in.

Friday evening after work, I raced across town and spent the next hour being touched by a complete stranger. I didn’t even know the girl’s name (I forgot to ask!)! I just put myself in her hands as she steamed, extracted, lotioned and potioned me. It was amazing!

After a few minutes, I noticed that I was very tense and wondered why.

Firstly, it was odd to have a complete stranger touching my body. But I’m the touchy-feely sort so this didn’t quite fit. Then it occurred to me that the face is an intimate place. After all, how many people do we have in our lives that getthatclose to us? And, even those who do getthatclose, how often are they that close for that long?

OK so it was normal to be a bit tense, so I allowed myself to relax a bit. But I was still tense. “What else is there?!!!” I thought.

And then I understood: “Oh, I get it! I’m supposed to be doing other things!”

Like most people, I have a long list of “have tos”. I was in a hurry to get my (relaxing) facial “over with” so I could get to my next task!! Facial. Check. Groceries. Check.

It took me 20 minutes of laying there to figure that out! So, for the next 40 minutes, I put away my mental check list and forced myself to relax. This was going to take as much time as it took! Potion away, my girl!

I don’t believe in coincidence. The next day, I went to Chapters to use a gift card I had received for my birthday. I was browsing through the Self-Help section, when a book practically dove from the shelf and leapt into my arms.

Better than Before by Gretchen Rubin. It’s about making and breaking habits for a happier life. Well, I was going to happily spend my gift card on a book about change by the author of The Happiness Project!

I rushed home and read the first chapter. If you want to change, Rubin says, you need to look at your habits. I read further until I came to her Habits Manifesto, where I was clubbed over the head with #6:

When we give more to ourselves, we can ask more from ourselves.

I can work on myself endlessly, beat myself up for not changing faster, or worry myself sick about the possibility of NOT changing within my 365-day timeline, but none of these will get me there faster than being kind to myself.

It seems obvious. If I want, for example, an employee to work harder, I can beat them down with mental cruelty and they will do what I want out of fear. Or, I can treat them with dignity and respect, I can coach and mentor them, I can lead by example, I can give them the opportunity to learn from mistakes, and so much more. Which is going to be the more motivated employee? It’s a no-brainer!

The question is: why can I be kinder to an employee than I can be to myself? Now THAT’S a change worth exploring!

Whether it’s setting aside time for pampering, self-reflection, fun or relaxation, I will get more out of myself in the long run, if I am kinder to myself.

I see a massage in my future!

Tracy

Eustress, me stress!

Last week was extremely busy at work. A colleague was away on holidays so we took up the slack, we had a deadline to get a newsletter out on Friday morning (with people sending me things at 4:59 pm Thursday afternoon that just had to go in it), as well as a variety of small bits of writing that needed done yesterday.

Today was the first time I’ve had a moment to reflect on last week and I discovered something–I had a good time! Although it was stressful, it was fun!

I remember reading about eustress, the “good” stress that motivates you versus distress, the “bad” stress, that makes it hard to cope. Last week was pure eustress.

As long as I’m writing, I can handle a number of competing priorities and that makes me feel good. I feel eustress. Distress arrives, for me, when peoples’ baggage, drama and politics enter the mix.

It got me thinking, “How did I get so lucky that I can write for a living?” The answer is, of course, that it wasn’t luck. I worked incredibly hard (which included a lot of distress),  to get my degree in Journalism. The job I have today is a direct result of the decision I made when I was 12 to go to university. My decision. Not my parents or teachers or guidance counsellors. Mine.

I don’t know what possessed me to make such a life-altering adult decision at such a young age. No one on either my mom’s or dad’s side of the family went to university. I didn’t having anyone telling me to do it or not.

All I know is that I made the decision and followed through. It was the best decision I have ever made.

How about you? What is the best decision you ever made? How has that one decision changed your life?

Cheers,

Tracy

Goals update

Hi All!

I have 283 days to do. So where am I on my goals?

TO DO GOALS

• I totally forgot to sign up for the MEC Race Series so I think I’ll ditch it and find other events
• Sign up for Army 1/2 marathon or 10km (Sunday, September 17)
• Sign up for Fall Colours 10km (Sunday, October 8)
• Audition for at least two more things. With all the extra appointments, I need to cut back on my expectations. If I can audition for one more thing, I’ll be happy.
• Get new passports for husband and myself (spring 2017)
• Find 10 things to do that bring more fun/joy to my life.
• Start writing my second book.

NEW GOALS

• I just got a therapist to help work out issues that have developed in the last two years.
• Decided to stop taking Paxil (for anxiety) so have a doctor to wean me from it
• Just signed up for an 8-week pilot project at work that’s called Meditation for Leaders. Goals for the program are:
  • 1. Commit to 8 weeks
    2. 5-minute meditation every day
    3. write down 5 things I’m grateful for daily

ON TARGET GOALS

• Training for Race Weekend (group did 16 km on Sunday).
• Limit alcohol (which I do anyway) but maintain.
• Go back to mainly protein & vegetables.
• Supplements.
• Neurofeedback once/week.
• Balance my gut this year (getting full blood workup, endoscopy).
• Singing (fun goal) Go to all lessons and jams. (not perfect, but doing better).
• Go to four additional jams around the city (other than The Music Factory). I’ll be at Irene’s Pub at the end of the month.
• Sing at the jams like I don’t care if I crack or forget lyrics (Sheer joy!).
• Save 15-20,000 for a big trip in 2-3 years (taking adventures!).
• Finish my office with beach theme (doing a bit every week).
• Take a beach vacation in 2018 with my husband.
• Take two local vacations in the next 3 years with my husband.
• Write a Do-Over Project blog post (once per week, but often twice a week).

INCONSISTENT GOALS

• Eating few or no sweets.
• Regular workout routine established: still struggling to do what I’ve always loved.
• Rock climbing: trying to find a place for it in my schedule.
• NEW 100 queries by the end of the year.
• By the end of this year, I want an agent.

TOTAL F*ING FAILURES!!!

• Weight loss (I’ve been really struggling with this because I’m tired all the time. I’m guessing that when I get my gut issue sorted out weight loss and exercise will be more consistent)

DAILY GOALS

I keep track of the following in a journal every day:

• INCONSISTENT Fitness
• MOSTLY CONSISTENT Healthy eating
• ON TARGET Positive Facebook post: AT LEAST once a day
• INCONSISTENT I am great at:
• MOSTLY CONSISTENT Do something differently
• MOSTLY CONSISTENT find something that brings me joy
• INCONSISTENT Do a drawing prompt
• CONSISTENT reading a daily positive message

DONE GOALS

I’ve achieved the following:

• Get knee fixed
• Sign up for Ottawa Race Weekend 10 km (Changed to walking the 1/2 marathon
• Set up RRSP
• Start a travel fund
• Go to bank for a travel rewards card
• DON’T cancel my cardiologist specialist (heart issue ruled out).

Planting seeds

Hi All!
As I was out raking the front lawn in the glorious sunshine today, I started thinking about my plants. You see, they’re looking pretty retched right now. My perennials don’t look perennial, they look dead!!! They’re dried out lumps of grey/ brown.

I said to my husband, “I’m amazed each year because my plants don’t look like they’ve survived the harsh Ottawa winter–but then low-and-behold, at some point, I start seeing buds or new green stuff shooting up from the ground!” We agreed that nature is pretty cool.

Excited by the thought of what lurked beneath the winter decay, I began cleaning out my flower bed and, sure enough, there was some (barely visible) green stuff! I was tickled.

When I apply the lesson learned from my perennials to the Do-Over project, it’s like the Robert Louis Stevenson quote about planting seeds.

Sometimes we’ve planted seeds (or bulbs or whole plants) and we’re not sure if they’re going to grow (or even live through the season, if you lack gardening skills like I do!). It requires faith. Faith that we’ve done enough of the right things (like watering, fertilizing and removing debris) to give the plant a fighting chance!

Sometimes, I forget to have faith. I’m planting seeds, maybe not daily but enough that, even if half of them grow to their full potential, I will have a wonderful garden. I have to have faith that, next year on my birthday, I will have done enough good stuff for myself that I will, at the very least, be on the way to turning things around.

Already I’ve accomplished some of my goals (stay tuned this weekend for an update) AND I’m less anxious about whether every day is a “success” or “failure”. To me, that’s huge success–and we’re only in April!

Happy Good Friday!